


Let's Make It Ours

by electrictoes



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Episode: s22e04 Sightless in a Savage Land, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:48:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28821732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrictoes/pseuds/electrictoes
Summary: Amanda returns to her apartment in the early hours of New Year's Day; a sort of missing scene for 22x04
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins
Comments: 13
Kudos: 65





	Let's Make It Ours

Amanda let herself back into her apartment a little after 3am; she kicked her shoes off at the door, and almost groaned with relief at being home, although it wouldn’t be all that long before she was out the door again.

As she stepped out from the hallway she turned on the nearest lamp, partially lighting the living room; the discarded pizza boxes, the New Year decorations hanging tauntingly – the hope that 2021 would be better than the year before was already beginning to fade – Jesse’s party hat and the horns discarded on the coffee table. Jesse herself was nowhere to be seen; Carisi must have moved her at some point, gotten her tucked up safely in bed.

And beyond the carnage, there was the man himself, asleep on her couch. He had removed his shoes, but was otherwise as she’d left him; comfortable and at home. His head was tilted back, mouth slightly open, and Amanda felt a rush of affection for him; this man, this good man, who was one of the few constants in her life. Her best friend; possibly the best friend she’d ever had. Content to ring in the New Year on her couch, even if she and Jesse had fallen asleep long before midnight. 

She was grateful for that short nap now. She hadn’t hesitated in leaving the girls with him – didn’t give it a second thought. He’d given her a half smile, wished her a Happy New Year in advance, and told her not to worry about the girls. He’d stayed.

There was a part of her, a small part she wasn’t fully ready to admit to yet, that had hoped for this; not the late night amber alert or the child abuse case that would be awaiting them in the morning, but Carisi staying. There was a part of her that had hoped she could wake up to him on New Years Day; almost as though she would be starting 2021 on a new page. She hadn’t fully considered what that meant; hadn’t let herself think about whether she meant waking up to his face, or just to his presence in her apartment. She hadn’t said it – and he hadn’t brought an overnight bag, so he probably hadn’t expected it – but when she had invited Carisi for pizza and TV with the girls, she had intended he would spend the night. In the back of her mind she’d already concocted an excuse about the price of a cab, but she didn’t expect he’d need much persuading.

Still, it warmed her heart to see him there, to know that whatever happened next, they would start the year together.

That traitorous part of her also encouraged her to go to him now, to wake him with a kiss, to start something she had been fighting with herself over at least since West Virginia, maybe since before then. Maybe since the first time he’d soothed Jesse, and shown her the kind of man he was. The rest of her knew what kind of man Dominick Carisi Jr was, and knew that he was too good; too kind, too caring, too reliable even. That part of her wouldn’t hope for more than she already had.

And so she didn’t kiss him.

But she did go to him, to wake him. She gently shook his shoulder. “Carisi,” she whispered. He groaned before his eyes opened – bluer than they had any right to be – and he smiled. “Hey Amanda,” he said sleepily.

“Hey Dominick,” she whispered back. “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year,” he sat up. “Time’s it?”

Amanda perched on the arm of the sofa, looking down at him as he blinked the sleep from his eyes. “Gone three; I just got back. Sorry, I should’ve just let you sleep.”

“Nah, you’re alright. I’m glad you woke me. You find the kid?”

“Yeah; safe for now. I’m sure you’ll hear all about it in the morning. Did Jesse go to bed alright?”

“Yeah; I woke her in time to see the ball drop, but she was yawnin’ her head off so we had one quick cheer before bed. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.” The smile that crossed Carisi’s face was soft; it was a smile he seemed to reserve for her girls; something akin to pride in his eyes when he talked about the small things they did, the parts of their lives he got to share in. 

“Not quite the New Year’s Eve you were imagining.”

“Hey, I was imagining me alone on the couch; at least I had you guys to hang out with for most of the night.”

Amanda dropped a hand to his arm. “Thank you; for coming over, and for staying.”

“Anytime. I’ll get myself together and head home. Let you get to bed.” He made to stand but she shook her head.

“Carisi, it’s 3am. Stay.”

“Rollins, I don’t wanna put you out.”

“You’re not.” Amanda warred with the small part of herself again; the part that was screaming at her to invite him not only to spend the night, but to do so beside her, to join her in her bed. 

This wasn’t the time for that decision. There were conversations to be had, sooner or later, and maybe a new year would be a good time for it, symbolically speaking, but the truth was, whether she’d admit it or not, that she wasn’t ready to risk it all just yet, and definitely not when they were both half asleep and she had to be back at work by 9am.

“I’ll grab you some pillows; there are spare toothbrushes under the sink if you want one.” She stood and made to walk to her bedroom.

“Sure, thanks,” Carisi reached out for her hand, tugging her back towards him. “Amanda; I mean it. Thanks for the invite; not just to stay; to be here tonight with you guys. I think I needed it.”

“Me too,” she said, glancing down at their joined hands, and gently squeezing his fingers in hers before she pulled away. “I just wish I hadn’t had to leave so early; I was looking forward to ringing in the New Year with you.”

“Yeah,” Carisi said, his voice laced with something more than just tiredness, “But there’s always next year.”

-

It felt like she had barely closed her eyes when Amanda heard Billie’s cries from the girls’ room. Groaning, she turned her head to look at the alarm clock. 06:47. Practically a lie in.

After a quick diaper change and a fresh bottle, Amanda hoped to coax Billie back into bed, or at least into lying on Amanda’s bed a little longer. Sienna would be here at eight; another twenty minutes’ rest wouldn’t do any harm.

She hadn’t banked on Billie spotting Uncle Sonny asleep on the couch. The toddler beamed a smile she reserved only for him and clapped her hands together noisily, fighting to be put down. Now that she could walk, Billie didn’t tolerate being held much. “Ssh,” Amanda soothed. “Uncle Sonny’s napping.”

“Sonny!” Billie squealed with delight. Amanda knew a lost cause when she saw one, and while she lamented both her own loss of sleep and Carisi’s, she put Billie down to the ground and watched as she walked over to her favourite person. Amanda thought back to her musings from the night before; her desire to wake up next to Carisi on New Year’s Day; whatever Carisi’s thoughts on the matter were – and Amanda had an idea – she was sure he wasn’t imagining being poked in the eye by an overeager toddler.

“Billie, gently,” Amanda said.

Carisi murmured, rubbing at his eye as he woke, then sat up a little, as though just remembering where he was. Billie immediately tried to pull herself up onto the couch beside him. It was just a little too high for her, but Carisi scooped her up and sat her down by his side. “Happy New Year to you too, Rollins,” he said, planting a kiss to the top of her head. Billie clapped her hands together again, before climbing onto Carisi’s lap. He dutifully lifted her into the air, and Amanda tried not to stare – both at the scene, and at the skin that was exposed as his sweater rode up with his arms.

He glanced over at her, sharing a smile.

“Hey,” she said. “Sorry, somebody’s not on a holiday schedule.”

“It’s fine, it’s never too early for one of my favourite girls. Jesse still out?”

“Yeah, I think the late night was too much for her.”

Carisi stood, hoisting Billie higher into the air and making her screech with excitement. Amanda’s heart filled at the sight; at the love that she felt for her little family; at the joy in Carisi’s eyes as he swept Billie through the air towards her high chair. “Breakfast time!” he declared. “Let’s let Momma have a shower, shall we?”

“You saying I smell, Carisi?” she jibed. 

“Maybe,” he grinned at Billie before turning back to her. “Just thought I’d give you a bit of time before I head home to get changed. I’m guessing our holiday weekend blew up the second you got that amber alert.”

“Yeah,” Amanda said solemnly. Her mind fell back again to that half-thought out daydream; her ideal New Year’s Day. Carisi here; breakfast together, maybe a walk in the park with the girls. Maybe a movie, dinner. Winding down after the girls were in bed. Saying some things she’d been holding in.

She glanced over her shoulder on her way to the bathroom, watching Carisi with Billie; allowing herself an extra moment to enjoy the sight. “But there’s always next year,” she said, echoing his words from the night before. Whatever this year would bring them; however things might change between now and then, Amanda hoped that the words were as much of a promise as a hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, thank you for reading! This is the first fic that I've written for SVU/Rollisi. It's been a long time since I wrote anything, and even longer (I'm talking years) since I've written fanfic for any fandom.
> 
> I just had to get some of my thoughts out of my brain and into the world, so this happened. There are a whole world of ideas in my head, so this might well be the first of a few, and I'm toying with making this a two-parter and adding an end of episode scene. 
> 
> This also wasn't beta-ed because I am an impatient soul.


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